so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
