Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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