you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I booty called her while she was in labor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize