Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
