We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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