Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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