I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize