he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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