glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
