Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
