this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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