a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
