Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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