I've blown a few things in my day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't turn off my feet"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
