she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
