I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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