**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
