Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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