i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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