we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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