this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
