My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
