What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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