There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
