Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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