ugly people sure do ruin things
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
