His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
