how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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