did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
