i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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