She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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