Umm I'm too high to move.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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