I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
