lets start a swedish sibling band together
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
