she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
