You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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