Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
