He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
