i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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