Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That was an excessively violent trivia night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord