Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
