my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dignity is for republicans.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!