Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.