Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips