I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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