It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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