It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
