If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you never un-have a 4some
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
