I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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