i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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