Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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