there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
