The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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