I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
