So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
