the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
