I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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