very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
