help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i will never coherently bang her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm way too hungover for life right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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