he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
