I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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