I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
