Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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