college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
