I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
