If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
