I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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