i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
