I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
