The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
