you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
