Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
