yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
