My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
