I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize