No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
