i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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