dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
