I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
