Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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