I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize