you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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