A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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