Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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