too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
