I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dicks are not precious.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
