he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
