even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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