Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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