i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
