Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
