I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
