Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
