is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
