Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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