come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
