I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
