Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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