Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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