fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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