It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
